Hardest Day Ever

I thought the hardest day of my life was the first day I left Dax with my parents and ran to Target. I was doing well - looking at some clothes and getting everything I needed - until I got to the registers and realized I forgot to get milk. That realization forced me into an intense internal debate: "Milk is all the way at the back of the store, just skip it." "Don't be ridiculous Kristin, you haven't been gone that long." "But Dax is waiting, do we really need milk?" "Yes, it would be silly not to turn around and go get it." "It's such a long walk - maybe Jake will stop at Cub on his way home." "Get the milk." Meanwhile, I am certain I was turning around with each new thought, thoroughly confusing anyone in my close proximity. I will never again judge someone in public who looks slightly crazy (or completely off the deep end in my case) because they are probably a new mom. In the end, I returned home with everything I needed and both Dax and I survived. And I think he actually enjoyed the snuggle time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Then came the first day I heard Dax cry out in pain. I was clipping his fingernails, something I had done successfully several times before. It was the last finger - his left thumb - and he was starting to stir just a bit in his sleep, but I had his finger firmly and thought I could finish quickly. I was wrong. I got the tiny tip of my little sweetie's finger and he immediately wailed. It was clearly a cry of pain and I had done it to him. Jake assured me that Dax would forgive me, but it was still hard.

A few days after that was Dax's 2 month pediatrician well check. I was excited to find out his new height and weight and his percentiles for each and had a list of questions in tow. I knew that he would be getting some shots, but thought I was prepared (especially having already heard what it sounds like when he is in pain). I wasn't. It was horrible. On the first shot, he jumped, his eyes got huge, and he started to scream. Each subsequent shot produced an additional scream amidst his tortured cry. He even had tears - real tears - form in his eyes and run down his chubby cheeks. That was a new development that tore at my heartstrings. We both cried a little, but we survived yet again.

Barely content after nursing and snuggling with Mommy

That brings us to today. After thirteen glorious weeks as a stay-at-home mom, I returned to work. Again, I thought I was prepared after conversing with several of my mom friends who had survived their dreaded return to work. I also felt incredibly blessed to be returning to a job I love, for only six weeks (until summer - one of the perks of teaching!), and leaving Dax with Daddy. Again, though, I was not ready. I thought I was doing pretty well, getting ready for work and playing with the little man when all of a sudden it was time to go and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time there were a lot of tears from Mama and I seriously considered calling in sick. In the end I made it to school. My students and colleagues were all so welcoming, kind, and supportive and I was reminded of how blessed I truly am...

My students made cards and a beautiful welcome back sign for me...

My kindergarten colleagues provided me with dinner for the night so I wouldn't have to think about anything except snuggling with Dax (they wrapped it in a beautiful basket, but I had to leave that at school because my hands were too full!)...

My thoughtful teammate and great friend, Cory, brought cupcakes for the school as a welcome back and a special cake for me and Jake...

And I made it home as quickly as I could after work to enjoy every possible second with my little love bug!

As I'm finding out, being a mom brings so much joy and happiness, yet also entails some heartbreak. Hopefully this will be the last "hardest day" for awhile.

3 Months

Is it possible? Is our little Dax really 3 months old?! You can expect that every month I will comment that time is flying and that I am both excited for each new stage of our little man and sad that he is growing SO FAST. This month, however, is especially bittersweet because I go back to work tomorrow to finish out this school year. I never thought it would sneak up on me this quickly, but am so grateful for all of the time I have had with my sweet boy. Every moment has been wonderful and he has changed so much throughout these first months of his life.

Changes over the past month include social smiling (I know I mentioned this in his 2 month post and he was smiling then, but now he smiles so often and his face completely lights up!),

Playing with his hands constantly...

Imitating some of the things we do (make sure you turn the volume up for this video)...

Successful tummy time (Dax still doesn't love it, especially when he gets tired, but he is getting WAY better at holding his head up)...

Hard to get a good picture of tummy time because he's so wiggly!

Practices sitting up (He got a Bumbo and is still a little too wobbly to use it independently, but he's pretty cute when he tries it out!)...

Not too sure about this new toy

And the biggest new development is in his naps. Jake will be working from home part of the time when I am back at school and we wanted to ensure that he will have some time to actually work so a couple weeks ago Dax started napping in his crib... sort of. It was slightly traumatic for both Mommy and Dax to transition from snuggling during naps to being completely separated. Even as it got easier for him to fall asleep, he would take the shortest little catnaps and was overly tired all the time. I almost gave up and left it for Daddy to figure out when he was home and, voila! Dax figured it out. All of a sudden he seems to prefer his crib and sleeps so much better there! Thank goodness for small miracles :)

So, we have had another big month for his development and schedule. Now I am really hoping he will just stop changing for the next 6 weeks so I don't miss anything!

Check out his growth:

3 Months

Joy

I have said it before, but life with Dax is pure joy. He is becoming more animated each day; smiling often, "talking" (cooing) to us during play time, gaining interest in toys, imitating some faces and sounds, etc... It is great to interact with him and to see him enjoying so many new things!

There is one thing, though, that Dax has always enjoyed - a diaper change. What a boy! :)  Most people have a favorite place and for Dax that place is the changing table. We don't know if he likes the bright natural sunlight, is comfortable on the changing pad, knows he'll soon have a new dry diaper, or simply enjoys the constant interaction with Mom or Dad during a change, but regardless of the reason, it is so fun to see his contentment there! He gets extra smiley, kicks his legs constantly, and could probably spend all day on that changing table. Here are a few pictures from a recent photo shoot in his favorite place... (Silly boy would stop smiling when we picked up the camera, but I think these still show his joy)

Who knew?

Who knew movies were so cheap during the day?! I guess it's technically common knowledge that matinees are cheaper, but who goes to movies during the day to be able to take advantage of that? As it turns out, moms on maternity leave!

Who knew you could take a baby to a movie?! Yep, that's right, Dax saw his first movie! Well, technically, Dax had his first theater experience - he didn't get to see much of the movie :)  One of my new mommy friends invited us to go with her other mom and baby group to see "Friends with Kids" at Southdale AMC. I know what you're thinking; thank goodness you weren't another movie-goer in that theater! Well, you're wrong. The rest of the people didn't even know we were there! How is that possible with 12 babies involved, you ask? We rented one of the VIP rooms (another hidden treasure that I learned about thanks to mommyhood)! We bought tickets as usual, but instead of entering the theater, we headed upstairs, through the attached party room (next time we'll have to think about bringing snacks) and into the viewing room. It was equipped with 19 plush leather recliners and the volume was not quite as overwhelming as in the theater. Perfect for a movie with a baby.

Who knew babies changed life so much?! Okay, this one is also common knowledge and something Jake and I learned very quickly after bringing Dax home from the hospital, but it was apparent again today at the movie. He was asleep when we got there and the beginning of the movie was pure heaven. Shortly after it started, though, the pediatrician returned a call I had placed earlier in the day. Everything was fine, but it was a call I had to take so me and Dax headed back into the attached party room to chat. Meanwhile, the lights out there woke the little man and we were unable to return to our seat without some dancing, shushing, and snuggles. He calmed down, we settled in, reclined the chair, I rearranged him a bit, and WOAH! his pants were soaking wet. Another detour into the party room to change his diaper. He was then wide awake and continued to fuss as we returned to our seats once again. I guess it was time to eat! Screw the cover in a dim room filled with new moms. Dax ate, I tried to stay as covered as possible, and the movie continued. As it turned out, the movie was good, Dax slept through most of it (despite how it appears here), and all 12 moms survived their first movie out with the babes. Success!

Rosalie and Anora, Me and Dax, and Sarah and Isaac enjoying our cushy seats at the movie!

Happy Easter!

Christ is risen!

It is interesting to be celebrating Easter as a parent. Of course there is the commercial side - we debated about getting Dax a basket to start the tradition, but held off this year (Mom and Dad didn't need more candy!). But the real difference is in my perspective of Jesus' resurrection. As I reflected on the familiar story, it was a bit overwhelming to think about.

It has always been amazing to think that God gave his only son to the world knowing that Jesus would be crucified and spend time in hell. Now, though, I am completely in awe. It is devastating to me when Dax is crying because of gas bubbles. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of sending your child to die a painful death. That is how much God loves us. Incredible.

In that great sacrifice, we were given the opportunity for eternal life in heaven. Again, that has always been an awesome thought. Now eternal life in heaven has new meaning. I recently read the book Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo. It details a little boy's perspective of his time spent in heaven after being resuscitated during emergency surgery. Who knows what heaven will really be like, but the book paints a beautiful picture and solidified my own thought that we will get to see loved ones when we get there. Now, my circle of loved ones includes Dax. It is pure joy to know that, thanks to Jesus' death on the cross and subsequent resurrection, I will get to spend eternity with my little boy. Now that's truly heaven.

Ready for church :)

Thank you, Jesus, for your incredible sacrifice.
He is risen, indeed! Alleluia!

Big Week

We had several big events this week...

At the pediatrician last week we were told that we should move Dax into the crib. As he is becoming more aware, he would get used to the bassinet and then we would have a hard time moving him later. I am used to just staring at him as I fall asleep, soothing him while laying in bed, and picking him up and snuggling him without getting up when he starts to stir in the morning so it was definitely a transition. But, it was probably harder for Mama than Dax. He went to bed easily and slept even better than he had been. Yay Dax!

So tiny in his big crib!

Then, we had our last Mom and Baby class on Monday. It has been such a blessing to share this time with other new moms who have similar joys and challenges. We have also gone on outings together to have moral support while practicing normal life as a parent. I am confident that we will stay connected even without the scheduled meetings and hope that Dax can continue to build friendships with all the other babies.

Krista and Alex, Jen and Ethan, Me and Dax, Katie and Mark, Becky and Ben, Rosalie and Anora, Sarah and Isaac, Rachel and Andrew

On Friday Jake and I had a date night. While I have gone on short trips to the store without Dax, this was the first longer period of time with a babysitter. My parents came over to watch him while Jake and I went to the Guster acoustic concert. Early in the day I started to think about someone else putting him to bed and got really sad, but then I decided to focus on looking forward to the concert rather than thinking about leaving Dax and it was much easier. We had dinner at home, then said goodbye, and headed downtown. Jeff Garlin opened for Guster so it was a comedy show and concert. It was awesome! Jeff Garlin was really funny and Guster was amazing as always. It was an acoustic show so it was different than other times we have seen them and they had some really incredible performances throughout the evening. Totally worth leaving the little man!

Saying goodbye to our sweet little boy

Date night!

Guster!

Resemblance

"So, who do people say he looks like?" Probably the most asked question of new parenthood. Read on for the answer...

When I was pregnant, Jake and I would speculate about whether we would have a baby boy or girl, would they have Mom's shining personality or Dad's athletic ability? One thing we were fairly certain about was that our babe would have Daddy's dominant features. Well, Dax was born and most people immediately saw Jake in him with the dark hair and tan skin (darker than mommy anyway)...

We, however, had a different opinion. I had a mirror during delivery and Dax's birth was one of the most surreal moments of my life. One second I could see the top of his head and the next I was staring at a little Olson. While completely shocked, I was also pretty happy to see myself in him. What do you think?

We have spent many hours over the past months looking at our little man and also think he resembles some others...