Hardest Day Ever

I thought the hardest day of my life was the first day I left Dax with my parents and ran to Target. I was doing well - looking at some clothes and getting everything I needed - until I got to the registers and realized I forgot to get milk. That realization forced me into an intense internal debate: "Milk is all the way at the back of the store, just skip it." "Don't be ridiculous Kristin, you haven't been gone that long." "But Dax is waiting, do we really need milk?" "Yes, it would be silly not to turn around and go get it." "It's such a long walk - maybe Jake will stop at Cub on his way home." "Get the milk." Meanwhile, I am certain I was turning around with each new thought, thoroughly confusing anyone in my close proximity. I will never again judge someone in public who looks slightly crazy (or completely off the deep end in my case) because they are probably a new mom. In the end, I returned home with everything I needed and both Dax and I survived. And I think he actually enjoyed the snuggle time with Grandma and Grandpa.

Then came the first day I heard Dax cry out in pain. I was clipping his fingernails, something I had done successfully several times before. It was the last finger - his left thumb - and he was starting to stir just a bit in his sleep, but I had his finger firmly and thought I could finish quickly. I was wrong. I got the tiny tip of my little sweetie's finger and he immediately wailed. It was clearly a cry of pain and I had done it to him. Jake assured me that Dax would forgive me, but it was still hard.

A few days after that was Dax's 2 month pediatrician well check. I was excited to find out his new height and weight and his percentiles for each and had a list of questions in tow. I knew that he would be getting some shots, but thought I was prepared (especially having already heard what it sounds like when he is in pain). I wasn't. It was horrible. On the first shot, he jumped, his eyes got huge, and he started to scream. Each subsequent shot produced an additional scream amidst his tortured cry. He even had tears - real tears - form in his eyes and run down his chubby cheeks. That was a new development that tore at my heartstrings. We both cried a little, but we survived yet again.

Barely content after nursing and snuggling with Mommy

That brings us to today. After thirteen glorious weeks as a stay-at-home mom, I returned to work. Again, I thought I was prepared after conversing with several of my mom friends who had survived their dreaded return to work. I also felt incredibly blessed to be returning to a job I love, for only six weeks (until summer - one of the perks of teaching!), and leaving Dax with Daddy. Again, though, I was not ready. I thought I was doing pretty well, getting ready for work and playing with the little man when all of a sudden it was time to go and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This time there were a lot of tears from Mama and I seriously considered calling in sick. In the end I made it to school. My students and colleagues were all so welcoming, kind, and supportive and I was reminded of how blessed I truly am...

My students made cards and a beautiful welcome back sign for me...

My kindergarten colleagues provided me with dinner for the night so I wouldn't have to think about anything except snuggling with Dax (they wrapped it in a beautiful basket, but I had to leave that at school because my hands were too full!)...

My thoughtful teammate and great friend, Cory, brought cupcakes for the school as a welcome back and a special cake for me and Jake...

And I made it home as quickly as I could after work to enjoy every possible second with my little love bug!

As I'm finding out, being a mom brings so much joy and happiness, yet also entails some heartbreak. Hopefully this will be the last "hardest day" for awhile.